Episode 8: Reverence to Be — Failure, Forgiveness, and Compassion’s Quiet Work

“The greatest teacher, failure is.” — Yoda 🕊️ (Just as a wise Master once said, failure can be our teacher.)

In this soulful episode, Jacob turns the grind of everyday life into a spiritual lesson. Standing Nowhere Episode 8 finds our host delivering groceries in 115°F heat—underpaid and sweating—yet whispering “thank you” for the moment. It’s a true story of finding gratitude in the grind: an everyday DoorDash delivery becomes a practice of presence and stillness. Jacob embraces what is, discovering a reverence for being even when life feels “off track.”

This episode flows like a compassionate conversation about self-forgiveness, failure, stillness, and growth. Jacob opens up about feeling he “screwed up” by not following a traditional path—from leaving school early to raising a family on gig work. His vulnerable reflections on parenting and self-doubt will resonate with anyone who judges themselves harshly. Instead of hiding these “failures,” he leans in and asks, “Can I be a spacious presence for that feeling of failure?” He learns to hold his mistakes with the same gentle awareness he offers others. Mistakes aren’t final; they’re teachers in disguise.

Throughout the episode, Jacob weaves wisdom from Jesus, Lao Tzu, and the Buddha into lived experience. A verse about “fearing the Lord” becomes a meditation on reverence for existence (Yahweh—to be). Yoda reminds us that failure teaches more than success. St. John of the Cross’s Dark Night of the Soul illuminates how our darkest times can birth our brightest growth. From the Tao Te Ching, he shares the quiet paradox of contentment—an invitation to loosen our grip on success/failure and rest in what is.

One moment, anger melts into compassion. When a stressed McDonald’s manager snaps at him, Jacob feels the flare inside, recalls the Buddha’s warning that anger’s tip is honeyed and its root is poison, and chooses grace. He walks away calm—thanked by onlookers for how he handled it. The point lands: we can practice love and compassion anywhere—whether with an impatient boss, a stranger who cuts us off, or the people we find hardest to forgive.

The emotional heart is a tender story of forgiving his father after a painful childhood memory. Rather than carry bitterness, Jacob looks beneath the behavior to the wounds that shaped it, choosing to break the cycle with understanding. He extends that same compassion to himself while wrestling with habits, sleeplessness, and the stop-start nature of change. Spiritual growth, he reminds us, isn’t a straight line—it’s a humble practice of presence, gratitude, and beginning again.

Whether you’re burned out by the rat race, wrestling with self-judgment, or longing to let go, Episode 8 offers a warm, grounded companion. Jacob’s poetic yet down-to-earth style makes big truths accessible: failure can be a teacher, forgiveness a doorway, and compassion a daily practice. Tune in for a gentle guide to reverence, stillness, and love—right in the middle of real life.

“The supreme good is like water—it nourishes all things without trying to.” — Lao Tzu
 May we meet each moment with reverence. 🕊️ 

Chapters

• 0:00 Opening & Verse Reimagined (Fear → Reverence for Being)
• 2:52 Gratitude in the Grind (115°F Delivery Practice)
• 5:03 Living with the Inner Critic (School, Parenting, Podcast Doubt)
• 9:11 Failing Forward & Dark Night (Yoda, St. John of the Cross)
• 26:53 Compassion in Conflict (The McDonald’s Story)
• 31:51 Forgiving My Father (Breaking the Cycle)
• 35:14 Everyday Compassion & The Garden of Stillness (Metta in the World)
• 45:49 Closing Blessing (Tao Te Ching — Water)

Transcript

Jake: 0:00

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Standing Nowhere. This is Jake, your host. And I want to start off this episode today with a verse that used to make me kind of recoil when I would hear it. I didn't really understand it. And it is wisdom. Let's see here. Wisdom begins with fear of the Lord. That kind of puts me off a little bit. I don't know about you guys. I mean, that's one way you can understand it. But looking at Hebrew scripture over the last three years, I've come to understand that there are different interpretations of Hebrew words. And that word fear can also be translated as reverence. And everywhere in the Bible that you see the Lord was also originally written as Yahweh. And if we are to not take the Lord's name in vain, which means the name of the Lord, Yahweh means to be, to exist. I am. I will be what I am or what I will become. So that verse can be understood as wisdom begins with reverence to be. or reverence for Yahweh, reverence to exist. And I love that. I really love that. Reverence to be. You know, over the last three years, I've been doing deliveries for DoorDash, Uber Eats, Grubhub, trying to make a living. I used to be in sales, as many of you know, and I didn't want to do that anymore. So I don't really have any other skills, quote unquote. And during the process of me delivering for DoorDash, my pay has constantly gone down and down and down. Matter of fact, it's gone down about 25% between my last two tax returns. In addition to that, I am forced to accept 70% of all orders that I receive or I get no orders. So as an independent contractor, quote unquote, We're supposed to decide, is this offer worth it or not, and either accept it or not based on that. But now, I don't get to do that anymore. And as such, I've lost from one tax return to another, I lost about 20 grand. And I am taking orders that personally, they feel humiliating for the amount of money I'm receiving. And typically, people who tip low also like to make a lot of false reports against you, which is terrible. The other day, when I was thinking about what to say on this podcast episode, I was carrying... a 40 pack of water from Safeway amongst other groceries up to the third story of this person's apartment. And the tip was okay. I may have accepted it or not. If I had a choice, probably not. But as I was sweating in the 115 degree Arizona sun, I just had gratefulness and I've been practicing this gratitude for over the last couple of years because this right now is my life. My state of being is being a driver for gig companies that don't appreciate me, for customers who under-tip me, and that's my situation right now. Now, I'm not saying that I'm grateful for it in a sarcastic way. I mean, I'm really grateful because this is where I'm at right now. And it's not like I want to stay here forever, but I'm grateful for it because it's what is at this moment. And I remember thinking that as I was carrying that 40 pack on my shoulder and the groceries in my left hand, going up those stairs, you know, I could feel my mind start to say things like, man, how did you get here? Why are you, you know, all the thoughts that would come into your head hearing this story of somebody not tipping you correctly, doing all that labor. But I was grateful. I looked around. I was listening to the birds. I was appreciating the heat, as crazy as that sounds. Because without heat, we wouldn't appreciate the air conditioning, right? You know, I'm just trying to show gratitude for what is. And it's important. no matter what downs you're experiencing in life, to stop and really smell the roses and say to yourself, this is my life right now. And it may not be where I want it to be, but I can at least pause and be grateful for it. And I finished the delivery and I went on. And it's easy for me to get in my head about these things. Like I'm here because I screwed up. Had I Went straight into college after high school. You know, I'd have a career by now. Probably would own a house. And it's tough. You know, life will throw failures at you. But our failures, our perceived failures, they're also teachers. You know, when I think about the choices I've made or that were made that resulted in the present moment that I'm in, It's real easy to get hard on myself. And I've done that all my life. My last year in high school, I actually did homeschooling so I could help my mom out with childcare for my youngest sister at the time. And I was happy to do that, you know, not only because the last year in high school is usually shorter days anyways, but I got to stay home and play video games, you know, and hang out with my little sister and But at the same time, I kind of missed all the things that you go through in your final year of high school. So I felt like I let myself down a little bit. I watched all my friends graduate. I actually kind of slacked off in my studies and ended up graduating almost a year after I was supposed to. And that negative self-talk kind of carried with me. throughout my life and I didn't really realize it was there. I always kind of knew it was there, but it's like that small, subtle voice that you don't really hear because there's so much noise and distraction in your life. But I've realized, especially these last few years, that I've carried that voice with me on many things. I mean, we all have that inner critic, right? And it's especially hard for me with podcasting. I mean, here I am revealing deep parts of myself to the world or whoever's listening. And I know that, especially in the beginning phases, your podcast is growing. It takes time to build an audience. And I'm going to have episodes that I'm not going to be happy with. But when I listen to them the next day, sometimes I'm really in my head about it. Like the last one I did, I was, I was pretty happy with my wife. My wife said she liked it, but you know, she's biased and I love her and she, she does give me honest feedback sometimes on them, but I listened to it and I was devastated and I just tried to cram too much into it, you know, and I was running on really low sleep. I have not been sleeping well the past week. The last two days though, I've been sleeping much better. And part of that is me quitting cannabis and trying to cultivate more stillness in me and whatnot. And overall, when you guys hear these episodes, the day they come out, usually I'm really hard on myself about it. I mean, it's intense. But the question I want to pose to you and that I pose to myself is, can I be a spacious presence for that audience? that feeling of failure? Can I hold it in compassion, even that self-talk? You know, I beat myself up repeatedly about my own parenting. And I'm sure if any of you listening out there have kids that you've done the same thing, that you constantly judge yourself. Like, was I too hard on my kid? Was I not hard enough? Was I too neglectful in these years? You know, for me personally, that negative self-talk when it came to where I am in life as a gig delivery driver, taking care of a family of four, formerly five, before my son moved out. In Gilbert, especially, the demand for the cost of living is so high. So I would reflect on it, and I would say to myself, man, if I had a career, I wouldn't have to work as much. I'd get to spend more time with my kids. I really screwed up. But I'm reminded of a quote from Master Yoda, actually, when Luke Skywalker felt the same way. about his students. He felt like he failed them, that he caused them to actually turn to darkness. Yoda said to him, Skywalker, still looking to the horizon, never hear now the need in front of your nose. And Skywalker responds, I was weak. I was unwise. I can't be what she needs me to be. And then Yoda says, he did my words not, did you? pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery, but weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher failure is. Luke, we are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters. And that really hit me. Actually, teared up in the theater when I saw that because I could instantly relate to how I felt towards the way I parented, you know, and putting myself under that harsh judgmental light. It's not easy. But the way I look at life now is that I'm failing forward. Mistakes, they refine us. They don't define us, you know. We learn from them. And it's part of this grand tapestry that we call life. Look at a child, you know, a child falls like, I think the statistic is like 17 times as they're learning to walk. So it's a process, you know, and you don't stop failing as you get older and you can't be afraid of failing. Like even now as I'm recording this episode, I have thoughts in my head like, am I talking too much? Am I meandering? Am I drifting away from the microphone so you can't hear me? You know, there's a lot of things going through my head. And when I hear it the next day, I know I'm going to be really hard on myself or that voice will come in my head. But like the last episodes, I'm just going to hold it and let it pass. It's like a storm and it passes and you learn. And I've learned from the past few episodes. Hopefully, some of you out there have noticed that they've gotten a little more concise, a little bit less meandering. I'm learning. Like I said in the first episode, that's why I called it, I don't know what I'm doing because I have no clue, but I know that I'm fed up with not doing anything because I'm afraid of failing. And I'm not going to beat myself up about choices I've made in the past, about my parenting, things like that. I'm just going to embrace them with compassion and I'm going to move on and I'm going to try to do better. St. John of the Cross, an old mystic Christian, he wrote a piece called The Dark Night of the Soul. And he has a quote on this. He says, It is most fitting and necessary if the soul is to pass to these great things that this dark night of contemplation should first of all annihilate and undo it in its meannesses, bring it into darkness, aridity, affliction, and emptiness. For the light which is to be given to it is a divine light of the highest kind, which transcends all natural light, and which by nature can find no place in the understanding." You see, he's pointing to the fact that in our own understanding and comprehension, we're not going to be able to understand or comprehend all of our failures and why we did them. You know, when you wake up at 3 a.m. thinking about that stupid thing you said online or the way you treated somebody with regret or You can only hold it in awareness, compassion and love and realize that you're not perfect. The idea of perfect is just an illusion and you've got to move forward and learn from them. You know, I've made some terrible mistakes and things I've said in the past to people that I deeply regret and, you know, if possible, try to make them right. But this points to the fact that we have to have compassion for ourselves and You know, can you love yourself when you can't quit an addiction or break a habit that you've been trying to break? I remember three years ago when I first started to really meditate and try to cultivate a stillness in myself, I thought I could do anything. I'm like, man... my energy drinks that I have every day. All I'm going to do is quit and I'm just going to hold the withdrawals in my awareness and I'll be just fine and I'll be able to quit no problem. And it actually worked for a couple of days, but then I had one. I was like, yeah, I've quit for three or four days. I can have one now and go back. And nope, I went right back to having energy drinks all the time. And I went in this off and on relationship with them. Same thing with my diet and my workout. You can ask my wife. I have yo-yoed So many times that it's ridiculous. It's to the point where I tell her, I'm going to start my diet on Monday. And she kind of, she doesn't exactly roll her eyes, but she's like, okay, let's do it. And she supports me every time through all my failures, which I'm about to try again, actually. But part of the process of quitting habits, it does actually involve embracing the withdrawals. And with gratitude. I mentioned on a couple of episodes ago that I quit smoking cannabis at the end of the day to take the edge off. And for a little while, I really missed it. And for me, the withdrawals were more in the form of sleeplessness. It was really hard for me to stay asleep through the whole night. I would wake up at about 3.30 in the morning, 3.45 maybe, and I could not get back to bed and it was terrible. And sometimes there was like really intense dreams and it was rough, but I knew that I loved the peace that I was cultivating by being more present more than the withdrawals were giving me pain. So I just held them and embraced them and the time was right and I was eventually able to quit. Because even cannabis, I've quit off and on over the last couple of years. As I mentioned like two episodes ago, when my son moved out, I started up again because I just missed him so damn much and I justified it to myself that I'm under a lot of stress, I'm working a lot. And sometimes we are and we feel like we need that. And either way, You've got to love yourself if you can't quit your addiction when you want to, and you keep trying, and you just hold it all. And when the time is right, eventually, when that stillness grows and grows, you'll be ready, and it'll happen. And you've got to love yourself all the way through. You've got to show gratitude and a thankfulness to your body. It's carried you this far. Can you love yourself? Can you love your body for all that it's done for you? Even your mind, when it overthinks things and it beats you up after releasing a podcast episode or all the little quirks that you have, all the little things that make you you, can you appreciate your body? Because it's part of this whole tapestry. Your body is as natural as a cloud in the sky or a tree. Can you... Maybe you stop thinking about yourself so much and just empty yourself. There's an interesting passage in the letter to the Philippians from Paul. He says, let this same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped, but he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, assuming human likeness, And being found in appearance as a human, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. So you see, he's saying here, even Jesus, who was a perfect representation of the divine will. I mean, many times Jesus would constantly say, it's not me who's speaking, it's the Father through me. And he didn't consider himself as someone who had to be pious, reaching up towards some unreachable goal. He just was himself. And he emptied himself and became a humble man who wanted to just serve people. He didn't ask to be worshiped. He was washing people's feet. You know, I'm one of you. And he didn't reject himself and get stuck in his head thinking, I'm just a lowly carpenter. I come from Nazareth, you know, this ghetto town of 200 people on the outskirts of town. You know, he didn't think about all that. And we love him all the more because of it, because he came from nothing, because he was one of the downtrodden like us, just one of the regular Joes. Can you get out of your own way? Stop separating yourself from, or stop having the idea that you are a separate self from the whole thing. But you, just as you are, with all your perceived imperfections, are perfect just the way you are. You know? Like all that negative self-talk I had about myself with being a quote-unquote gig worker in my 40s. You know, that's all in my head. Can I let that go? Lao Tzu has a beautiful verse on this. He says, stop thinking and end your problems. What difference between yes and no? What difference between success and failure? Must you value what others value? Avoid what others avoid? How ridiculous. Other people are excited as though they were at a parade. I alone don't care. I alone am expressionless, like an infant before it can smile. Other people have what they need. I alone possess nothing. I alone drift about like someone without a home. I'm like an idiot. My mind is so empty. Other people are bright. I alone am dark. Other people are sharper. I alone am dull. Other people have a purpose. I alone... don't know. I drift like a wave on the ocean. I blow as aimless as the wind. I am different from ordinary people. I drink from the great mother's breasts. Meaning he is content with what is, what the great mother nature is providing for him at just each and every moment. Do you really need more than that? I mean, it's okay to, like for me, I want to I obviously get a job and a career going if there is one left in this godforsaken economy. I'm going to try. I've touched up my resume. I'm ready to get out there. But for now, I am content with what the Great Mother brings, you know, with what life brings me. And right now, I love my life. Even though I have to work a lot of hours and I don't have the greatest job in the world, I love it. And I'm going to try to do better. I'm going to try for the next thing. And it's going to be easier because I'm not fighting it along the way. I don't have this hatred inside of me for my situation. You know, the FML attitude, you know, F my life. No, thank you. I'm very thankful to this life. It's beautiful. It's so beautiful. Can you have that same mind in you that Jesus had? Or that Lao Tzu is talking about here in the Tao Te Ching. Can you stop thinking and just be? And can you have that same compassion for other people in your life? Can you appreciate all the people that you meet throughout your day? You go to a gas station to grab an energy drink or whatever. Can you look at the gas station attendant as a human being? Can you remember them? that they're as human as you are. You know, how many strangers do you overlook in your life? There's so many opportunities to show them some loving kindness as you pass by. You don't have to stop and give everyone a hug, but look around. You know, most people that consider themselves seekers that are looking to go within and see what's behind the veil in this life, A lot of us will spend time meditating and trying to cultivate that mindfulness, but we forget that the other side of the coin of mindfulness is love and compassion, and the two are really one. And if you're on the path of quote-unquote enlightenment, up your way up the mountain, one of the fastest ways to do that is to cultivate love and compassion, or as the Buddhists call it, metta, for other people, loving compassion. Practice it constantly. Some people you won't even notice. They were there the whole time. You know, there's a guy that I met at the local 76 station down the street, and he has such a warm presence to him. He greets everybody that comes into the gas station like a friend, and I love it. And I've been talking to him about the podcast, and he's been so supportive of me. I've been talking to him about it for months, actually. And through all my procrastination, he's been very supportive. And not just noticing people, but really noticing them. Like if you see a beautiful woman walk by or a beautiful man, can you appreciate their beauty? Yes. Without forgetting that they're also somebody's son or daughter. Perhaps they're a father or a mother. You know, not just looking at them as a MILF or a sexy dad, but also as a person, as a being. What about when you're at Walmart and you see somebody who has sort of let themselves go and they're on a scooter? Do you judge them? Do you look at them as quote-unquote people of Walmart potential for that website that takes pictures of people? Do you look at people that are downtrodden and struggling with condemnation or judgment? Or can you flick a switch in your mind and remember that that's a being just like you that has a mother and a father and maybe they weren't dealt the greatest hand in life? Can you look past all the appearance? There's a little quote from GK Chesterton, and now a strange thing in the street where any human nod, where move in strange democracy, the million masks of God. Can you look at everyone as a mask of God? god is coming at you in this form god's coming for you know at you in this beautiful form over here that makes you forget your awareness and you're just staring at them as a sexual object or that person over there that's on a scooter and they didn't take care of themselves you know there's these masks can you look behind the mask and see their being and what about What about the people who upset you, the driver who cuts you off? Can you have compassion for them? Can you see them as somebody's child or a father or mother who's late for work? Or perhaps they're young and they're new to the working world and they're learning how to drive and they don't quite know how to be respectful on the road yet, or maybe they've been bullied at work a lot, so they're starting to bully other people. Are you going to bully them back? Are you going to give them the finger Are you going to speed up and cut them off and then slam on your brakes and do all kinds of crazy things? Or can you allow them to do what they do and have compassion for them? Can you maintain that space for them to do what they need to do? It's just like in your mind, they say a raging bull, the easiest way to pacify a raging bull is to give them a large pasture. And what about your coworkers? Or maybe a boss you have who doesn't show you any appreciation whatsoever and makes you feel terrible because you do all that labor and all that work and you get nothing to show for it. Or maybe you get a pizza Friday or a company mug. Thanks a lot. Great work. By the way, you screwed up here. You know, the other day when I was planning this episode out, I was picking up an order from McDonald's and I can see From what I saw, it looked like the order was not quite ready yet. So I'm like, perfect. I can run to the bathroom and come back and grab it. So I come out of the bathroom and I walk up and I pick up the order and the district manager for all like McDonald's in that area, I suppose. She tries to chew me out, and I immediately felt that energy rising inside of me. All these thoughts that I've been talking to you guys about earlier of not getting paid what I deserve, being forced to take these disgraceful tip orders just so I continue to get orders, all of that was inside me. All that energy was ready to come out and explode. I can be a pretty intimidating guy. I'm not the biggest dude in the world, but I've just got that presence. I'm in my 40s now. Most kids, yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I could have exploded on her. I felt the energy come up, but I caught it. I'm like, there it is. The Buddha says anger has a honeyed tip and a poisoned root. I felt the emotions. She chewed me out for marking arrived before I got to the restaurant. I tried to explain to her, look, this is how it works. And I explained to her, like, you guys do the same thing. You market ready before it is. And that throws it off for us. And I said, we're on the same team. There's no need for hostilities here. You know, I said, just ask your staff behind you. And they were all kind of looking at us go back and forth. And the staff at all the McDonald's that I pick up from, they love me. I'm very polite to them. I understand they're under a lot of stress. You know, go into a McDonald's and pay attention. You'll hear beep, beep. you know, things are beeping under everyone's understaffed. Nobody's at the front because everyone's just slaving away in the back, underpaid, underappreciated. So anyways, I said, look, look at all the people behind you. They love me. I'm in here all the time. And they didn't want to like be involved. So they just kind of kept their noses down and just kept going. But you know, they love me. I'm sure they would side with me. And, um, and I was, I was being nice to this, this lady. I was like, you know, we're on the same side here. You know, you're grilling me about a couple of minutes, if that, and I probably got here before it was ready anyways. And long story short, I felt like I handled it pretty well. I didn't lose my cool, even though I felt the adrenaline rising in me. And I took the order and left. And she even threatened to report me and stuff. And I just couldn't get through to her. So I was like, OK, well, just remember, we're on the same side. There's no need for hostilities. And I hope you have a good day. And I don't want you to be nervous if you see me again in the future, blah, blah, blah. So I'm on the way out. And these two people close to the exit were like, thank you, sir, for the way you handled that. That was really excellent. And I'm sorry for her attitude. And I was like, don't worry about it. I said, OK. She's on the same side, like I was mentioning to her. I'm sure she's under a lot of stress as well. The point being, can we have compassion for other people? Can you understand them from their position as well, even if they treat you with disrespect? If they cut you off on the road, if your manager doesn't appreciate you, if you get chewed out by a manager like I did, can you still show them love? Love your neighbor as yourself, right? The Buddha says, hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. You know, when Jesus was asked, what are the two greatest commandments? He said, love Yahweh, your being, with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength. And the second is just like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There's no commandment greater than these. And judgment. Like I was talking about earlier, you know, he speaks about that. Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. And it's not just like the eye in the sky, God will forgive you. But in Aramaic, there's nuance to it, which gets flattened out in English. In Aramaic, forgive is more akin to loose the bonds in your heart, right? the sense of releasing, let go, set free, don't hold a grudge. Because what you hold inside is reflective on the outside. You forgiving someone else is also releasing something inside of you that you're holding onto. And what about people who deeply wrong you? Can you have compassion for them. When I was younger, my dad was in a really rough place with anger, with being physical. And I'm not going to bash him here or say too much. He was not somebody who beat me or anything like that. But I saw something that really scarred me between him and my mom, and I'll never forget it, even to this day. But I've forgiven him and I have compassion for him because I know that he grew up in a very rough household as well. His father was pretty brutal, pretty extreme. He had trauma that they didn't even know how to deal with at the time. From World War II, he saw his friends get blown up, you know, he was on a destroyer in the Navy. He was in all kinds of crazy conflicts. And some of that trauma was passed down to his kids. And my dad, out of the three sons that he had, took the brunt of it. And then some of that tried to get passed down to me. And some of it did get through to me, you know. But luckily, I've forgiven him and he's really changed himself and he counts on my forgiveness and my compassion for him because there's plenty of times that I talk to him and you can hear his voice crack and the pain in his voice at the memories of the things that he's done. But I forgive him and I love him and I know that he's not perfect. I know that I'm not perfect. And just like him, I have that same condemnation for myself for not being a better dad for my kids. Many of you listening, I'm sure you have that same inner critic. So the compassion starts within. And it's really important to have compassion for others. And some of you listening have been hurt by family, and you might say to me, Jake, I'm sorry, but I'm glad you can forgive your dad, but there's no way I can forgive my family member for what they did. And you have no idea what they did. And I get it. And if you can't have compassion for them... Can you have compassion for your inability to forgive them? Can you hold your inability to forgive in loving awareness and say, I've been hurt so much and I can't forgive, and I'm going to have compassion on myself because I can't forgive? Can you loose the bonds in your heart, as Jesus would say in Aramaic? Release them. And you do what you can. You find that edge. It's like a garden, you know, it starts to grow. You know, in a wider perspective, Lao Tzu talks about this again in the Tao Te Ching verse 79. He says, after settling a great dispute, there must be remaining resentments. How can this be considered good? Therefore, the sage holds the left part of the contract, but does not demand payment from the other person. Those who have virtue hold the contract. Those without virtue hold the collections. The heavenly way has no favorites. It constantly gives to the kind people. Zooming out, like I mentioned, compassion and love is the other side of the coin of meditation and stillness. When you are empty and still and aware with your children, what are you doing? You're loving them. You're giving them your attention. It's the same thing with the things going on inside of you. It's the same thing going on with the things in this world. And like a garden, that stillness will grow and give you more space inside. And when you hear about Palestine and the horrible things happening over there, you'll be able to hold that a little bit better. It's still rough. It's still a terrible part of life. and this world and existence, but you'll cultivate more of a space where you can hold that in loving compassion, and you'll still be able to fight and stand up and stand in solidarity for those people who are being massacred, and you'll be able to love them and even have a love for the people that are doing the slaughtering, but you'll still be able to fight them with love. I mean, look at Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights Movement. I mean, he's been whitewashed to some degree and portrayed as a perfect, I wouldn't say a pacifist, but someone who, I should have pulled his quote. He has a wonderful quote where he says, we will wear you down with our ability to receive suffering. But he did great things. And sometimes there's a need for that. And sometimes there's a need for people like Malcolm X, a little bit more rough around the edges. Resistance will take the form of however it does, but it has to come from a place of compassion. You can't throw anyone out of your heart. I mean, look at the environment. We have people who can only see three months ahead in quarterly reports, and they have no regard for anything else in the whole world. They don't have regard for the way that the climate is changing and destroying entire cities or villages and what it's going to mean for the future. Can you have compassion for these people in corporate suits who have no idea themselves what they're doing, who... even if they grew a conscience, would be killed, you know, not killed, but like separated from the company and replaced with somebody who's willing to do what it takes to please the shareholders? Can you have compassion for the shareholders who don't even do anything but dump capital in and expect returns? Pardon me. Can you have compassion for these people? You know, when I started learning about politics, I started to really draw a line in the sand like us and them. And I still have my morals and principles of what needs to be done, what needs to change in the economy, in our political system especially. But can we have compassion for these leaders who just don't care, who are careerists, that stack their cabinet with people in Wall Street and the banking industry? Can you keep the stillness inside of yourself as well? You know, it's like, imagine a lake and it's reflecting the moon and it's beautiful. And that reflection is your true nature. All of the activity and noise is like someone splashing the water. It distorts the light and eventually you lose sight of it completely. Can you still, can you keep the water still and still do what needs to be done to get You know, things fixed. Can you not throw people out of your heart? If we personify all the things in your life, the existential crises of World War III, the environment, the way your boss treats you, the way your family has treated you as people, a Roman soldier driving a nail into your hand and the other hand and the crown of thorns on your head and driving a nail into your feet. Can you have compassion for all the problems in this life personified, you know, as a, as a Roman soldier, can you have compassion for all of it? Can you cry out, forgive them, father, forgive them Yahweh. They don't know what they're doing. Can you, Can you even look at them without judgment as people who are just, oh, they're just blind lemmings. They're unconscious. They have no stillness in them. They're completely reactionary. Can you get rid of all that judgment and love them and not look at them as different from yourself, but as the same self? As you're raised up on the cross, burning in the sunlight, and the thief to your left who is condemning you and laughing at you and mocking you for all the things that you've done in your past, All the regrets you have, that voice in your head, can you hold that with compassion? Or what about the thief to your right being crucified as well, who's worried about what's gonna come next? What's gonna come in the future? What's gonna happen to me after I die? Can you hold that worried voice, that worried voice in your ego with compassion? And can you sit right in the middle, right in the here and now, completely embracing what is, Embracing the suffering without any bitterness whatsoever. It's not easy, and you won't always be able to do it. But that's the symbol in the Christian tradition that we try to hold, you know? And it's reflected in all traditions. Can you be with what is? Can you have reverence to be? reverence for this being, reverence for this life, appreciation for it, with all the goods and all the bads, all the ups and downs, can you appreciate life? Or is it an enemy? Is it separate from you? Is it other than you? Are you just a little speck? Alone and afraid in a world I never made. Is that how you look at it? Or do you look at yourself as part of the whole thing? Can we derive wisdom from this reverence of everything? Can we act with compassion? You know, going back to your body. Look at your body. Look at yourself in the mirror if you're able to. Can you say thank you? Thank you. For all the little things that make you you. Just say thank you to yourself. This little body that's carrying you in this big cosmos. And what about the beauty of it all? Can you have gratitude for the land, all the trees that take your CO2 and give you oxygen back? The beauty of the landscapes that we always overlook because we're too busy in our heads thinking, splashing the water, losing the image of what is right in front of us. Can you say thank you to the sky? for putting on new clothing every day, never the same way, all the different clouds and the gradients of the sunrise and sunset, or even the beauty of the cloudy days, you know, and the rainstorms. Can you look out at all of it and say, thank you? And maybe even apologize to the sky and say, I'm sorry I haven't looked at you more. Wow, you are so beautiful. Wow. And your failures. Can you look at your quote-unquote failures with compassion, forgiveness, understand that it's all intertwined? These are threads joined together as part of our life, not just our spiritual life, but life. Life, you fail, you get up. You get knocked down, you get up again. It's not a fight, though. It's a dance. And remember, this connects to everyday acts of compassion. Not just for the people who are easy to love, like your kids, but those who are hardest to love, your boss, or maybe your kids. Jesus tried to teach in story and get the point across that we're all part of one thing, that we're not really separate. And one of the stories he said to convey this is in the Gospel of Matthew. He says, Then the righteous will answer him, And he replied to them, The king will answer them, truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it to me. You see? Can you in your bones understand and truly know that we are all expressions of the same source? That we are not separate persons. You can't have up without down. You can't have black without white. You can't have yourself without other as that contrast. The illusion of contrast is what creates this whole dance of life. What would it be like if you met yourself out there? Can you imagine you're in the other person's shoes meeting you? What are they going to see? Are they going to feel better about themselves? Are you going to lift them up? I'm going to read a final verse to you guys from Lao Tzu as we close out here. And before I do, I want to say thank you for listening. Right now, I have basically no audience and I'm growing this like a garden in its early stages. And if you would like to reach out to me and share some of what you've been through in life or give me some feedback for the show or whatever, give me a rating, follow me, I'd appreciate it. I've got links in the description where you can reach out. We've got Discord, we've got email. I'm trying to grow this thing and I'd love, I can't wait for the day when somebody messages me and says, thank you for that episode. It was just what I needed to hear. That's why I'm doing this, you know? And To close out, Lao Tzu says, the supreme good is like water, which nourishes all things without trying to. It is content with the low places that people disdain. Thus, it is like the Tao. In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present. When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you. Thank you again for listening. Blessings to all. You guys have a wonderful day.

Music: 47:30

This voice might feel like dust on But I'm standing nowhere And I've been for a while No heroes, no headlines No promises made Just a whisper that won't be afraid Standing No flags to wave No need to roam The silence speaks louder Than war ever could And I've never felt So understood The static is kind to follow no king on the throne the sky's turning amber the clock's all reset and I haven't stopped walking just yet standing nowhere air wide and free change no name no destiny the road dissolves the sky turns white i'm still here nothing