The Ever-Full Sea — Nonattachment and Desire in Practice

In this solo reflection, we look at the mind’s “stickiness”—how craving pulls us off-center—and explore nonattachment as freedom, not austerity. Drawing from the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, the Buddha, and the poets, we unpack the ever-flowing river / ever-full sea image and land it in everyday life: work, family, food, phone use, and the little bargains we make with desire.

In this episode

• Nonattachment vs. renunciation: letting nothing own you
• Why the relief after “retail therapy” comes from the end of wanting, not the thing
• How to be with cravings without white-knuckling (the “just for now” approach)
• Welcoming withdrawals—insomnia, anxiety, vivid dreams—as teachers, not enemies
• The ocean image across traditions: steady in the middle of many rivers

Try this

• Pause the impulse: when a craving hits, wait a few minutes and feel it fully—no negotiating, just noticing
• Choose not now: you don’t need a lifetime vow; postpone once and re-check later
• Be gentle: meet slips with curiosity, not shame; begin again, like a river returning to the sea

Texts & voices referenced
James 1; Ecclesiastes; Jeremiah 17; John 4; the Bhagavad Gita; teachings of the Buddha; Rumi; Meister Eckhart; St. John of the Cross.

If this episode gave you a breath, please follow the show and share it with one friend who might need it. It helps Standing Nowhere find the people it’s for.

Chapters

• 0:57 Attachment Defined (Opening Thread)
• 2:52 Sin Reframed (Desire’s Fire)
• 7:21 Relief in Cessation — Turning Point
• 9:58 From Inventory to Experiments
• 22:14 Befriending Withdrawals (Hello, Insomnia)
• 25:00 Ever-Full Sea (Triad Image)
• 28:46 Gentleness and Ongoing Struggle
• 34:16 Closing Blessing (Rumi and Paul)

Transcript

Jacob: 0:02

It's really not attachment or renunciation, it's not about owning nothing. It's about nothing owning you. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Standing Nowhere Podcast, a space for real-life mysticism, an honest reflection on the human experience. I am Jacob Buhler, a courier, a dad, and a lifelong seeker. This podcast is about slowing down, facing our suffering and joy, and exploring wisdom from every tradition, not to escape life, but to meet it more fully. So let's take a breath and begin. Today I'm going to be talking about attachment and desire. And I wanted to start off by talking about what attachment actually is. The way you can think of attachment, because this is a term that was coined by the Buddhists, it's a sort of stickiness of the mind. It's our tendency to cling or get stuck on something, what we want, and resist what we don't want. It kind of goes both ways. It is a it's kind of a desire for what you don't have or a an aversion to what you do have. But in a sticky sense, um, it can be considered an addiction to control, whereas non-attachment is a trusting in the flow of things. And you'll hear, I'm sure you've heard the term renunciation, and to many Western ears, renunciation is sort of akin to or sounds like living the monastic lifestyle as a monk or a nun or living in a cave somewhere, and that's not what renunciation is. Renunciation is something that you can consider as more of non-addiction, living fully without being enslaved by your cravings. It's it's really non-attachment or renunciation is not about owning nothing. It's about nothing owning you. Think of it in terms of being attached is grasping, but being free is to let things come and go without you losing your balance. There's a verse by the brother of Jesus, his name was James, where he says, Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own desire and enticed. Then, when that desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin. And sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death. Now I want to clarify something on that. When you hear the word sin in modern times, there's a connotation that you have done something wrong and you should feel guilty about it and you should atone and all of that. But I'm here to say that that is not what the original understanding or definition of sin actually was at the time that it was spoken. You see, in Aramaic, and I forget the word, but sin, even in Greek as well, is understood as a directional statement. In Greek, many of you are familiar with the definition that it means to miss the mark. And in Aramaic, it was similar. It was sort of like we've been talking about with attachment, where you are, like it says in the opening of that verse, when you are tempted, you are dragged away by your own desire. And even that word temptation in Aramaic was more akin to like sort of when you lift something up. Think of when you're eating a meal and you lift something up with your fork, and there's something attached to it that comes along with it. That's what temptation means, is that something is moving in a direction in life, and you're sort of stuck to it, or sticky your stickiness of mind is attached to it and dragging you away with it, as he says in that, as James says in that verse. Now, what happens is when it says desire has conceived and gives birth to sin, he's saying that like that word is a directional statement. So you are essentially not centered on your being, on the present moment, that your awareness is being carried away by something, like it's stuck to it. You see how it's attached, it's in that same line of attachment as the Buddhists talk about. And the death that he refers to in that verse is not a literal death, but more of a spiritual disconnection, not like divine punishment, that you are disconnected from your source. There's another word, which I'm sure you're familiar with, which is repent. In Hebrew, that is pronounced shuv, which means to turn back. It is also a directional statement. It is a um what's the word I'm looking for? Uh another way it's another directional statement like sin, where it whereas sin you are off-centered and carried away with something, and shoe or repent is to turn back and come back to your center again. So non-attachment is basically learning to come home again and again and again. That's actually what repent or shoe means to turn back, to come home, to come back to center. And we need to talk about the burning of desire. Because desire, it's a natural energy in all of us, but it can either liberate you or enslave you, depending on the type of desire, and if we follow that desire. So desire is a natural energy in all of us, but depending on the type, as I mentioned before, it can either liberate or enslave. Now, many of you are familiar with the term nirvana or in the Pali canon nibana. Nirvana means to blow out the flame of desire, the flame of craving. You can think of it as the exhale after gra after grasping or uh sort of reaching out has extinguished. Think of it as like a sigh of relief, like, ah, there's a verse by John in the New Testament of the Bible where he says, Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give them will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life. What he's pointing to is a thirsting or craving for external objects and pleasure versus an inner spring of contentment resting in the center of your being, like that word shoe or repent. I don't know if some of you are aware of this, but there's something out there called shopping therapy or retail therapy. When you buy something or purchase something, you are not experiencing joy or a cessation of your suffering from the object itself, but by the extinguishing of the wanting of the thing. Like when I was a kid, I used to, there was a short period of my life where I would dream of getting a Super Nintendo. I really wanted it. When I finally got it, sure it's fun, but the happiness that I got was not from possessing the object finally, but the cessation of my desire for the thing. This is echoed in the book of Ecclesiastes, uh, when the teacher writes, Whatever my eyes desired, I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, and behold, all was vapor and a chasing after wind. So the relief essentially comes from the end of your craving, not the object itself. That is why retail therapy does not work, or buying things does not work. As you probably noticed, in America, we are rapidly turning material into junk at a very extreme pace. You know, there is this consumption or consumer mentality that when I buy this thing, then I'll finally be happy. But as many of you listening have already learned, that is not the case. You'll get a temporary cessation of that burning desire, but that's not real happiness. Real happiness comes from the cessation of the desire in the first place. One of the big ones that I've still struggled with to this day is energy drinks. I love to have an energy drink in the morning when I go out and drive or start when I used to start my shift in sales. I love the taste of an energy drink and the little boost that it gave me. I've since let it go. And it's interesting now, I don't have any craving or desire for energy drinks. So I'm saving money and I still feel just as alert in the morning. And in fact, the more that I've brought awareness to my habit of energy drinks, I've noticed that I've actually felt better not having them. Because when I did have them, it would increase my irritability, especially when I didn't get one on time. Or the knowledge that I was spending $150 to $200 a month on them. But now that I've dropped that, you know, it's wonderful. Food is one that I still struggle with to this day. You know, my routine still involves having a pizza at the end of the day. Um, beer and uh alcohol was a big one. I've actually kicked that habit. The same thing with cannabis. I always looked forward to um a little beer at the end of the day, not every day, but several times a week. Cannabis was a daily habit for me, which I've spoken about on several past episodes. You guys can go back and hear that. I think it was around, I want to say episode five or six when I finally kicked the habit of cannabis. And when I looked closely at my cannabis use, I noticed that it was really based on the on avoiding facing the uncomfortable truth that I really missed my son when he moved out. I started smoking again, and it was like six months later that I finally kicked it when I finally sat down to face the fact that I just missed my son, and I needed to sit with that and be with that and let that process so that I could kick the habit once and for all. Another one that I struggled with was uh training. Um I used to back in the day train pretty hard three times a week on the barbell. Uh some training programs were five or six days a week, and I was really obsessed with my nutrition, uh, tracking every gram of protein, making sure that everything was just perfectly in line. You know, you know, smartphones are another habit that I've kicked, thankfully. I simply uninstalled all the apps that didn't have anything to do with productivity. I only have work apps on there, uh, things that will actually benefit my day in some way. I don't have any social media installed on them. And I've been all the better for it. And I know a lot of people struggle with that, but we'll get into that more uh later in the episode. But productivity is a big one for me that I still cling to. Like this podcast is an example of a good desire or a good motivation to push me towards something productive that will help other people. However, it can quickly devolve into something that I am clinging or attached to in terms of it being perfect. I have had periods where I felt the compulsion to go back and edit past episodes to make them more perfect. Because in the beginning, I didn't know anything about editing or how to edit really. You know, the first episode I did was aptly named I Don't Know What I'm Doing. And at the time I had no clue how to edit the podcast, just the basics of getting it published and getting it out there. And now that I do, I've had this temptation to go back and edit, which I think is appropriate, but there's this fine line between clinging to perfection and not being attached to the product being perfect, that I can put my authentic voice out there, trust that it's okay that it's not perfect, and move on. But there's this passage in uh Jeremiah, which talks about blessed are those who trust in Yahweh. They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream. It shall not fear when heat comes, and its leaves shall stay green. In the year of drought, it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit. And I love that verse because the opening line says, Blessed are those who trust in Yahweh. Yahweh is a word that means I am, to be, to exist. So that opening line is sort of saying those who trust in their being. You know, you can personify it as a Lord figure, or if you choose not to use that language, that's fine. Substitute that with your own being. It's the same thing. Blessed are those who trust in being. This points to not seeking external objects to make you happy, or that you can trust in to bring you happiness, that you are planted in the here and now. And this points also to or this trust in our being is at the core of one of the reasons that we do suffer. Because when we are attached to that which is impermanent, that is that which is outside of our being, we experience suffering. So you can't hold on to anything. That's a recurring theme, I'm sure that you guys have noticed on this podcast is to let go. Let things come to you and let them go when it's their time to go. Uh, there's a saying in the uh in in Buddhism as well that's whatever is the object of your attachment brings suffering when it changes or ends. So learn to let it flow into your life and flow out of your life. You know, this is echoed in the book of Ecclesiastes where uh one of the opening lines says, Vapor of vapors, says the teacher, a generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. That word vanity or vapor is a hevil. It's an old Hebrew word that means vapor, breath, something that's transient, not permanent. In Buddhism, I believe the word is anika or anica, which means impermanence. Everything comes and everything goes. But this is not this is commonly understood in modern times as sort of a downer or depressing verse, but it what it's really saying is that everything is so valuable and wonderful and exquisite precisely because it is fleeting. If everything lasted forever, nothing would matter. This is a fundamental truth of the universe, of existence. Nothing lasts. And it's precisely because nothing lasts that everything is so wonderful. These are different scriptures, but they're the same breath. And I like to highlight different traditions because it's so wonderful to hear different thinkers from different time periods in different parts of the world all pointing to the same truth. And we can have we can experiment in letting go, and this is a great way to practice letting go, doing little small experiments every day. For example, I'm really hooked on ice cream. I love ice cream at the end of the day. I have been buying those little cartons for like two or three or two or three bucks you find at the grocery store, and it's just enough where you can eat half and not feel too guilty or the whole thing if you're really having a tough day. But one of the experiments you can do is find something that you really crave on a daily basis that you might feel that you're attached to, and delay the craving just for a few minutes. Just before you want to take part in it. Say maybe you scroll too much on your phone. But before you open your phone to look at it, just delay it for a few minutes and sit with that desire. Bring your awareness to the desire for the thing that you want, the thing that you may be attached to. Just for a few moments and sit with the desire. Notice the desire. What does it feel like without putting it into words? Be mindful over um be mindful over the entire feeling, top to bottom. What is it what does it really feel like to want this thing? Just sit with that. And and perhaps you want to make a declaration that you're not gonna do it for the day. Just for that day, say, I'm not gonna scroll on my phone, and I'm gonna I'm gonna have a curiosity mind. What does it feel like to want to do this thing and not do it? And don't fight or resist the feeling, just embrace it completely. There's a strategy by uh Alan Watts, which I really love and really helped me as well, which is to not tell the devil your plans. In other words, don't tell yourself your own plans. Maybe just a little bit. Don't say to yourself, I want to permanently give up ice cream for the rest of my life, or I want to permanently give up scrolling on social media the rest of my life. Don't do that. Because when you do that, the devil will immediately, or your mind will immediately say to you, okay, you want to give up scrolling, huh? Well, guess what? You're gonna have to give it up for thousand hundreds of days to get through the rest of this year to make good on that, or thousands of days for the rest of your life. Instead, just say, just not now. Just for right now, I'm not gonna do it. And and really authentically, you know, don't say to yourself, I'm I'm not just gonna give it up right now. I'm actually gonna give it up my whole life, but I'm just telling money. Don't go through that mental, just say, literally, right now, I'm not gonna do it, and that's it. Just right now. And notice how long the desire lasts and fades away. And you might notice that, wow, it's gone. I don't even want to browse my phone anymore. And before long, it's a habit. But use that strategy just for now. Just for today, I'm not gonna drink. Just for today, I'm not gonna have cannabis. And play with those other experiments as well. If you do indulge, be mindful of it. You know, when I was giving up cannabis and struggling with giving it up, I would bring my awareness into it, you know, as I would pack the bowl, take the hit. How did I feel after indulging? Did I feel any better? My mindfulness was all over the place. I would lose myself in thoughts, all kinds of anxiety. I was mindful the next day, noticing how my anxiety would increase. It didn't feel good. I valued being aware and being centered and being mindful more than the temporary pleasure boost that cannabis was giving me. And I gave it up. And when I gave it up, I befriended my withdrawals. And this is something that I told uh to somebody on Reddit online a few months or years ago, and they said it actually helped them immensely and to give up cannabis use as well. And I my comment got a ton of upvotes. So this is something I want to tell you guys as well. Another strategy is to be friendly with your withdrawals. Choose curiosity over judgment. Awareness itself is the freedom. So when you, let's say you're trying to quit cannabis like I was, some of the withdrawals that I had was insomnia. It was really hard for me to get to sleep at night. Really hard. And sometimes when I'd get asleep, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and I couldn't get back to sleep, or I'd have vivid dreams, or I'd have increased anxiety the next day. My my my withdrawals are not as severe as some uh more heavy users, but they were still there. Same thing with drinking. I look forward to that at the end of the day. Take the edge off, have a drink or two. Alcohol is something that much more people use, so maybe you can relate to that. But I would be I would befriend my withdrawals. You know, I wasn't laying there at night tossing and turning, like, oh, I can't get to sleep, gosh darn it. Yeah. No. Insomnia is present. Hello, insomnia. Please come in. Won't you have some tea? Make yourself comfortable. Oh, heightened anxiety for a few days. Hello, anxiety. How are you? This is what anxiety feels like. How curious. Don't resist your withdrawals. Embrace them and remember the bigger picture that you you are aiming to be free of these clingings, these attachments that are stuck to you. That you are centered, that you have turned back, come home, and welcome in these uncomfortable feelings. Because, as we've been talking about, nothing is permanent. These will not last. They will come, they will stay for a while. Insomnia will stay for a while, a burning desire to have another drink, it will stay for a while. Don't turn away from it. Face it directly, not in a confrontation, but as a welcoming, a curiosity, a friend, and before you know it, it will leave you. It will leave you in peace. Now when you are free and you have unconditioned yourself from these things, there is a peace that will wash over you, and there is a convergence of scripture that I wanted to point out from three different time periods and sources across these scriptures there's this image which I found really fascinating of an ocean. It just kept appearing, and I I had to mention it. Not just as nature poetry, but as a map of our consciousness. And the first is also from Ecclesiastes. It says all rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full. Unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again. So you see, this this Hebrew sage is watching the futility of grasping. It is awareness without sugarcoating. Watching the flow, the impermanence of everything. Everything is flowing, everything is changing. There's no point in grasping it. Let it flow. This is echoed again by Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita. Same imagery. He says, as rivers enter the ever full sea, yet it remains unmoved. He attains peace, not the one who strives to satisfy desire. So he's turning the awareness into a discipline of non-attachment, steadiness amid the inflow. I love how these images connect. So this this third one is from the Buddha, which says just as the great ocean stands unmoved through countless rivers pour into it, so too the mind of the noble disciple who has realized the Dhamma remains unshaken. So the Buddha here is showing what it feels like when non-attachment ripens into freedom. Awakening that calm depth inside of you. This shows that perhaps peace is not the absence of these flowing rivers, but the depth that can receive them all. The spaciousness that I talk about on all of these episodes that you cultivate inside yourself. Can you make space for all these desires? Let them flow in and out. This is echoed by the Christian mystics. Meister Eckhart, he says to be full of things is to be empty of God. To be empty of things is to be full of God. Saint John of the Cross echoes this as well, another Christian mystic. He says, the soul that is attached to anything, however good, will not attain the freedom of divine union. And it's very important to emphasize that to overcome these attachments, you need to bring a gentle release. We talked about those experiments before, but do it with gentleness, non-judgment, and your being, and that depth inside you will open up to embrace them all. Simple methods, you know, noticing, pausing, breathing, showing gratitude even when you fail. As I mentioned earlier, I am still struggling with things. Yes, I've quit alcohol and cannabis, and I have no desire for them anymore. Yay, that's great, but I still struggle with other things, but I don't beat myself up about it. I don't judge myself for being still clinging to it. I see it, I smile at it, and I start again. And today, I'm just putting it out there I am going to start to try to break away. From these habits of ice cream and frozen pizza. I'm gonna try to eat better at the end of my day. Because I eat healthy usually for the first or most of the day, and the end of the day is where I struggle. Because I'm I gotta tell you, I am coming off um really intense work days this episode 63 hours. Crazy. Well, I'm not addicted to peace, but i it's something that you can cling to. I had a moment where after uh I finished a meditation, was it yesterday? I have a picture of Jesus and Maharaji or Neem Karoli Baba on my puja table, and in between the two photos, I saw a little green bird, and he was just looking up at me, dancing and playing, and I just had this deep gratitude for the peace that I have been cultivating in myself. And then my day proceeded to sort of kick me and prod me. And this episode I'm trying to plan in a 63-hour work week, you know. So I have to be gentle. I can't cling even to peace or the ability to plan episodes like I want to, or that this episode will even be good. I can't cling to that idea or be attached to it. I have to understand that I'm gonna do my best, and it may not come out all right. And it's difficult for me. These are things that I still struggle with. I want each episode to be the best it can be, to see if it can reach out and help someone. And at the same time, I have to make sure that I don't cling to the podcast as an idol, if you will, where the purpose of the podcast becomes the podcast itself, where I become obsessed with views and getting likes or shares or whatever. This has to remain a genuine space for not only myself to share struggles that I go through, but also people listening or people that I interview, for them to have a genuine space to share their experiences in life and how they are continuing the struggle with them or how they overcame them, spiritual practices, et cetera. So I am not perfect. I am still going through these ongoing struggles, and I want to really hammer home that it's important that you be gentle with yourself as you try to release these things. Use the experiments that I gave you before, but do it with gentleness. That noticing, you know, that breathing, gratitude, even when you fail, just smile at it. Keep keep starting again. I may not succeed in quitting my ice cream habit. I'm just putting it out there now. I'll give you updates on the next episodes if I'm able to. So remember that as we move towards the finish line here, that happiness does not arise from getting what you desire. It arises from the ceasing of the desire itself. So don't chase after happiness by external objects. Instead, shift your awareness to that desire in the first place. And you'll start to notice the difference between healthy desires, like wanting to start a podcast that will help others, or you know, um taking up a healthy hobby versus the the the burning desires, the lust for this or that, the greed, awareness. So I'm gonna close out with uh reading from uh Rumi and Paul, but before I do, uh if this episode gave you a little space or a little piece or helped you see life a little bit differently, I'd love it if you could follow the show and share it with one friend who might need it. It really helps this um find the people who could use a breath. So to close out, I want to read to you a poem from Rumi. It says, When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety. If I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it. And a man named Paul wrote this from his prison cell. He says, I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances, I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.