New Year's Resolutions Reimagined: What 'Resolution' Really Means

What does "resolution" actually mean at its root? Not forcing—loosening. In the final episode of 2025, I reflect on a year of struggle, growth, and showing up anyway. Honest thoughts on time constraints, mental health, sobriety, and trusting when you can't see the path forward. With wisdom from Lao Tzu, Meister Eckhart, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Rilke.

Chapters

• 0:42 Intro
• 1:18 Vegas & Reconnecting with My Son
• 5:59 Turning 42 & Starting the Podcast
• 8:47 Accomplishments: Positive Attitude & Sobriety
• 15:23 Struggles: Time, Nutrition, Mental Health
• 24:28 What Resolution Really Means
• 30:34 Trusting When You Can't See the Path

Transcript

Intro

Vegas & Reconnecting with My Son

Turning 42 & Starting the Podcast

Accomplishments: Positive Attitude & Sobriety

Struggles: Time, Nutrition, Mental Health

What Resolution Really Means

Trusting When You Can't See the Path

Jacob 0:02

I cannot see the way out of my situation right now. And that's being very real with you. I am in a situation where I could lose my income at any moment. I could be evicted at any moment. I could have the lights shut off at any moment. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I trust that I will. I trust the universe working through me. I am Jacob Bueller, your host. This podcast has been a pleasure, and I started it about half a year ago, and here we are at the end of the year. I'm recording this on the 30th. You'll hear it on January 1st, the first day of 2026. I was going to do a little bit of a recap of the year, but first I want to talk about recent events. We just went through Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I hope you guys had a wonderful holiday season. It is one of my favorite times of the year. Also one of the more stressful times of the year, but it feels like life is kind of woven together and more prominent at the end of the year, doesn't it? With greater joy comes this greater stress. For some, it's just too much. For me included, especially the gift-giving part, seeing as how I am financially challenged at the moment. But it was a refreshing break for myself and the family, especially the wife. Um, she got to hang out with her family, who all lives in Las Vegas right now. It's really tough for her to be away from family. Uh, family is very important to her and her family because they are Mexican. And uh Mexicans love family. As opposed to Americans, we despise one another, can't get wait to get away from one another. We can't wait to stuff our parents into a retirement home so we can be rid of them and maybe visit them on occasion so that we don't feel guilty about ourselves. Anyways, this has been a fun year. The break to Vegas uh was was great. Um my favorite part about our trip to Vegas this year was um spending time with my son. He was able to come over on Christmas Eve to um my sister-in-law's house where we all stayed for the holiday, and it was great. We had a great conversation. We basically just talked to each other for almost two, three hours straight. And I was just listening and listening and listening, and it was just it just felt so good. Like somebody in the desert who was dying of thirst, and they just got this big jug of ice water, you know, endless jug. It was just so great, and it was bittersweet because I miss my son so much. Anyone who listens to this podcast, uh, you pretty much know me by now, and you know a lot about my life because I've exposed and I've um talked about a lot of my life. One of the things I try to do on this podcast is you know tie together the spiritual traditions with real life lived experience, not abstract stuff. So I talk about my life a lot, and one of the hardest things that I currently am going through is being away from my son. So being able to spend time with him on this trip was amazing. And a lot of that is because we were stepping away from the grind. The joy of being with family is just incredible. Just being in their presence, hearing their voices, um, sharing laughs with one another. You know, there was um party favors, so we had lubricant, social lubricants each evening, which was a lot of fun. My wife's family and they know how to party when they get together, and it's a great experience. Uh her sister-in-law was trying to show me how to dance, do the cumbia uh Mexican dance. I'm learning how to, you know, I'm I'm a white man, uh, so I'm not able to dance very well. I'm not a very good dancer. Even when I have a few drinks in me, it looks like a horrible uh mess, like a car accident. But it's great because it's it's good practice for my ego. You know, when I'm on the dance floor, I'm trying to just be with what I'm doing, but I find my ego is trying to control my limbs too much to perform a certain way or to mimic others. And it's interesting, my sister-in-law, she's she was basically like, You're thinking too much, you're trying to control it too much, you got to just be with it. I'm like, man, that's all I try to do on this podcast is talk about letting go and being with the moment. And here I am, this uh mechanical robot trying to do the Kumbia dance. It was pretty funny. But overall, Vegas was just a great time. And the real highlight for me, I mean, aside from spending time with everyone, was really just being able to be with my son and uh connect with him, and uh, we both loved it. And, you know, my fingers are crossed that someday he'll move back here to Gilbert and uh we'll all live happily every ever after together forever, and he'll never move out again. But we'll see how that goes. But uh there was a lot accomplished this year, you know, just reflecting back. I turned 42 uh back in June, and that was a pretty big milestone for me. You know, I'm I'm not young anymore, and it's even more important as you age to be present because you get caught up in your mind and you lose novelty, that that raw ability to be impressed and awed at the present moment, you know. I start to think back to my teenage years or even when I was a child and how new and fresh everything felt in the world and exciting. But at 42, it's really easy to let uh novelty slip away from you. So it was interesting turning 42. Um, the biggest thing for my birthday when I turned 42 was the fact that I was one year closer to death, and it really kicked me in the proverbial balls because I had been wanting to start a podcast for years, and I have I had always basically procrastinated, pushed it off. But this birthday, you know, if you go back and listen to my very first episode, that's the main thing I talk about. And I kind of touched on this, I think, on episode 13 as well, um, which I have no idea what I called it. It's something about hesitation, but it was all about moving forward. And when I turned 42, it was like this realization hit hey, you're not gonna be here forever. You better shit or get off the pot because one day you're gonna die. So that's when I hit record on my birthday, and it was the best birthday. And you know, starting this podcast and maintaining weekly content is it's been a discipline of really showing up and um creative expression is a form of healing that I never I don't want to say I never knew existed, but I had genuinely completely forgot what creativity and creative expression can mean to somebody, how it is a form of healing. Out of this entire year, the most successful thing I did, in my opinion, is starting this podcast. It has felt great. It has been a weekly discipline, a weekly practice that has um just been so rewarding to me, regardless of the numbers. You know, this is a new indie podcast, it does not have a following. And to be honest with you guys, I am terrible at promoting this podcast. I'm not a social media person, I can't stand it. I also haven't done very many videos, um, uh only shorts. I haven't even done a full video length um interview on this podcast yet, which I need to get on on top of soon. But uh I've all you know, another accomplishment this year is that I have maintained a positive mental attitude. I love the um the way that uh what's his name says it from Saturday Night Live, uh Matt Foley. Positive mental attitude. I have maintained a positive mental attitude in spite of immense chronic financial pressure. Um I I have maintained the daily choice to keep moving forward, and that is probably the biggest thing in my life is that financial pressure and the and the time constraints that it puts on me. But the fact that I was able to maintain a positive mental attitude throughout this last year has been, in my opinion, a very big accomplishment. And something that as I reflect back on, I am proud of myself. And uh no doubt, uh meditation and mindfulness practice, not just in the morning on the cushion for 30 minutes, but all throughout my day, is what keeps me going. It's what keeps me centered because I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I have a very dark mind. Most of us do. Most of our minds only spew out garbage that makes you feel worse, or it inflates your sense of self artificially and turns you into an asshole. So I'm I'm glad that um I've I've been able to maintain a positive mental attitude and uh you know, really just keep myself tethered to the present moment and not get lost in uh in thought. And it hasn't been easy. I don't say that fleetingly. It has been very challenging, and I'll I'll jump into the struggles here in a moment, but it's been tough. Another accomplishment as I reflect back on this year uh has been quitting alcohol for good. Alcohol was something that I I don't I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic by any stretch of the imagination, but it is something that I dabbled in, you know, three, four, or five times a week, sometimes even more. Um I'd have a couple of drinks, and it was never to a point where I was worried about my health, but I know that over time alcohol has a cumulative effect on your health, and it was just not something that I wanted in my life. Um, I could feel practicing mindfulness with my habits that alcohol was not serving me. So, what I mean by that is I would have a few drinks and then I would, you know, continually practice mindfulness. Like when I say I practice mindfulness all throughout my day, I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I'm being honest, and I'm apologize for my cursing. I don't know what got into me today, but I would practice mindfulness all throughout my day, which included when I would drink not just the texture of the uh the liquid, but how it made me feel, how it altered my state of mind, my choices, um, also inflammation. You'd be surprised, but like when you were more present with yourself in in your body, you start to notice how things affect you. And I didn't like the way alcohol would make me feel inflamed. And I also quit weed. Um now when it comes to cannabis, it's a little more complicated. Um, when I say I quote unquote quit weed or quit cannabis this year, it is mostly true. I did quit. Um I started about a year ago when after my son moved out. I had quit up to about the point he moved out, and then in November to December I started using it again, and I used it all the way through I want to say July, and then I quit in July all the way through Thanksgiving just recently, and then with Thanksgiving onward, I started using it a couple of times a week. It was initially just a um like oh, it's the holidays, what the heck type thing, which is the relationship I would like to have with cannabis, just a social type thing once in a while, but it did turn into a couple of times a week, and I'm just being honest with you guys for accountability. Um, I did an episode with my brother, I believe it was called Dying to Yourself or something like that. Um I apologize, I can't remember my titles of these episodes, but um, you can go back and listen to that. We were actually both uh inebriated on that episode, and I'm just saying that to you know, for accountability. At the beginning of that episode, I did mention that I was, and then we proceeded with it. I just feel better when I don't use it. Um I'm more stable, my mood is stable. I I life, all of the burdens of life, they just feel so much heavier when I am using cannabis. I'm less inclined to uh go out and socialize, I'm less inclined to take action on um, you know, maybe like a checklist that I need to get done for the day or for the week or whatever. And the biggest thing for me though is just the anxiety, the enhancing of the dark cloud feeling over my head that all is lost. It can it can get pretty dark, and going in next year I do plan on uh keeping it as a side type thing. Um, another accomplishment this year is that I was able to make two trips to visit family in Vegas. That was my goal for this year, and I knocked it out of the park. Two trips, yay! It's only a five-hour drive to Vegas, so I figured you know, setting a goal of two trips is pretty reasonable and um I think necessary for our mental health because you need to be with your family at least twice a year. And we were able to do that, and it was great, it was very nourishing. My wife, I think she was able to actually make three trips out. Uh, one of them I was not able to go because we just needed the money, and I had to stay home and work, but uh two trips, I'm proud of that, and hopefully it can be three next year. That'll be the goal. Now, looking back on the year, there were some struggles, and I want to name what was hard. Uh the the biggest challenge that I have and have had for the last few years is time. I obviously work an inhumane amount of hours. When you up that to 50, 55, 60 hours a week, like I experience on a consistent basis, it puts a lot of shackles on you in your life. And it's tough for me to really emphasize how much of a burden it is to work this much, not only from an exhaustion standpoint and mental health standpoint, but also outside of it, again, not being able to um to play. You know, for for me, um when I do take time off, like this last trip, it was I mentioned earlier it was bittersweet because I got to visit with family and take time off, and it felt so amazing, but the bitter part of it was knowing that I have to go back to my sort of work nightmare that I'm still stuck in right now. And as the sole breadwinner for the family, it's rough because I'm spinning a lot of plates, and I can't let any plate hit the floor at this point. Um so yeah, it it's it's rough. I I don't have a lot of free time to just have fun and let my brain be silly. I don't have a lot of free time for creative efforts on the podcast, uh doing interviews. You know, this is episode 28, and I've only done four interviews out of 28 episodes. So I've I've had to come up with solo content for a lot of it, which is fun, but the the real point of this podcast was to connect with other people so that they could share their stories, and um, not having the time to do that is really tough, and it's hard on my mental health. Pardon me. Um it the time constraint sort of bleeds into the other struggles that I want to talk about that I've had this year, and um the second one on the list that I put here was nutrition. You know, the challenge of eating well under time constraints is not easy. I'm already bad enough with managing my time, but when you have almost no free time, it just becomes a like shooting fish in the barrel when it comes to just skipping uh eating healthy. Because when I come home after 10 to 12 hours of driving, I don't feel like cooking a healthy meal. I just want to pop a frozen pizza in the oven and be done with it. And for a lot of nights during this last year, that's exactly what I did. Um just eating convenient, easy foods, and that has caused me to put on weight or maintain a higher body weight than I am really proud of. You know, I built a strong muscular base from a decade of barbell training, but at this point, I am uh, you know, I'm in double XL shirts, and um, I just I really need to get nutrition back in line. So that that's been one of the struggles that I've had this year. Um, mental health has been a pretty str a big struggle. I did put it in the uh category of accomplishments as I reflect back, you know, maintaining a positive attitude, but it has not been easy. It is hard to stay optimistic and uh deal with self-doubt, the exhaustion of having no free time whatsoever. Um it's not easy. I miss spending time with my friends, my family. I miss just being able to play. You know, remember that feeling as a kid when school is about to get out, that feeling of being free, like, oh, I'm done with everything. I get to go have fun. Yes, oh, I can't wait. I don't get that at all, at all anymore in my life. And if I do, it's like little wisps, like somebody breathing through a straw underwater. Um but it is rough, it is really rough, but um, you know, meditation and uh mindfulness has really been the only thing that saved me. I mean, go back and listen to my first episode, you can hear how dark uh my mind. Mind has been in the past. So yeah, I'm just naming what's been hard this last year, and mental health has been one of them. It's been rough. And I have not um like when I tell you guys I am doing okay and I have space in me and I am staying optimistic, I'm not talking out of the side of the m my mouth. I am, and I'm being honest, but it has not been easy. Let's just put it that way. With the lack of free time, there are some dark days. And I've also struggled a little bit with uh, you know, sobriety and clear seeing. Um there's the pattern of returning to what's familiar even when it doesn't serve you, um, you know, mostly referring to cannabis. Um there are times when you are just so burnt out that sometimes a little bit of cannabis at the end of the day has been really helpful. And I'm being honest with you, it it can be very, very helpful, but there's the danger of it turning into a repeating pattern where it can start to become a chronic issue, where in my case, it enhances the anxiety. So I'm not gonna rehash that, but that's just one of the struggles that I'm naming here. And it reminded me of a quote from Tik Not Han, someone I've quoted many times on this podcast, where he says that people have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. And I definitely fit that bill on a lot of occasions. I will just sabotage myself. Like I'll start my nutrition program or my training program, and then I'll say to myself, uh, you're not gonna be able to do this. You know, why don't you just let it go for now, go back to what's familiar, wait till you feel better, you know, and that repeats and repeats and repeats, and then years go by, and I'm still wearing double XL. So um, you know, take your pick of of a vice and put it in there. Um, I'm guilty of it. But I'm making bits of progress, slow bits of progress, and that's what matters. Little bits of progress, baby steps. Uh, this reminded me of a another quote from Lao Tzu in the Tao De Ching where he says, Whoever relies on the Tao in governing men doesn't try to force issues or defeat enemies by force of arms. For every force there is a counterforce. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon itself. The master does his work and then stops. He understands that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Tao. Because he believes in himself, he doesn't try to convince others. Because he is content with himself, he doesn't need a others' approval, and because he accepts himself, the whole world accepts him. I wanted to read that quote because it really hits where I am right now with this podcast and um with trying to find work and just get out of my situation. There's a lot that needs to be done, but I acknowledge that I, you know, the universe is forever out of control, and I can't dominate events that go against the current of the Tao. In other words, what is going to happen is going to happen. Only what can happen does happen. So I'm going to keep showing up, I'm going to keep putting everything I can into making quality episodes, doing quality interviews with people that will inspire people to help us all keep on, keeping on. And I'm going to stick to it. And when it comes to resolutions, because this is New Year's Day that this episode airs, I wanted to talk about what the word resolution actually means. See, the etymology of the word comes from the Latin verb resolver, which means to loosen or unbind, to untie or to release. It's formed from uh re when we say resolution, the re or R-E is back again, and then solver is to loosen, free, or dissolve. So at its root, a resolution is not about tightening discipline, it's about loosening what is bound. And there is a quote from Meister Eckhart where he says the soul grows by substr uh subtraction, not addition. And this reminded me, there was another part in uh Lao Tzu's Tao Teching where he says, uh, in the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added, but in the pursuit of Tao, every day something is is dropped. So I'm going to approach New Year's resolutions for 2026 with the things that I am going to loosen or dissolve. And I'm kind of coming at it backwards. The most people think about resolution as uh determined willpower, gotta break through something, but not me. This year I do have a few things and I'll read them off. The first thing that I want to try to accomplish is to lock in a healthy, nutritious um eating schedule or on a daily basis. You know, I'm gonna be 43 next year, and I don't want to be eating junk food into my 40s and pushing my luck with uh health issues, you know? So I really want to lock that in. I want to strength train three times a week. I'm very familiar with strength training. I've coached people on strength training. I know a lot about strength training. I have no excuse. Yes, my schedule is busy, but I can make this happen. Um applying for jobs daily, that is crucial. I want to put more effort into securing guests for the podcast. And I want to learn how to promote the podcast better. Because um, if I don't do those two things, this podcast will never go anywhere. And again, it it already is somewhere just by the fact that it exists and it is a creatively fulfilling project for me. But if I don't get more people on this podcast to talk about their problems, I'm gonna be just talking about my problems all day and it's not gonna go anywhere. And I need to learn how to promote the podcast better. I've been uh taking more active steps to promote it on social media, but uh, I'm not a big social media fan. I also want to read more. And when I give you that resolution list for next year, it's not about me adding more pressure to myself. It's about releasing what is in the way of the life I want. So when I said I'm coming at this backwards, let me explain. When I say, for example, that I want to lock in a more nutritious or healthy nutrition uh habit, eating healthy every day, dropping all the bad foods, I'm not coming at it from the standard modern view of resolution. Like you gotta force yourself. I'm coming at it like I'm loosening my desire to come home and just be lazy. Oh, I'm not gonna call myself lazy. That's self-deprecation. I'm supposed to stop doing that. So I'm not gonna come home and give into my desire to have convenient food. How about that? That short-term pleasure that I get from quickly prepared food. I am now going to release that. It's not that hard to cook a meal, probably take me 10-15 minutes on average, but it's worth it because I'll sleep better, I'll feel better, I'll think better, etc. And the same applies for my strength training. In my head, I always tell myself, I need to be working that extra 45 minutes or hour. I can't spare even an hour to work out, I've got to keep working. Well, I'm gonna loosen that idea and say to myself, you know what? This is an investment in your body, in your mind, in your health, in your longevity, in everything. When you're stronger, you're you're able to uh um handle life a lot better. So I'm gonna loosen my desire to not work out three times a week and just relax and understand that I'm trading that for um a much better feeling overall in the long term. I'm gonna sacrifice a little bit of energy, uh, strength training to gain a lot of energy long term. And the same goes for applying for jobs and all the other things on my list here. I won't go one by one, but I'm gonna loosen my desire not to do the things for the remembrance that I'm I'm doing it for a greater reason, for a for uh a greater good that I know will be bet more beneficial for my life. I'm I'm gonna sacrifice a little bit in the short term for the long term. And this is not punitive, this is not forcing myself to do things that I don't want to do. It's remembering the things that I do want and remembering in each moment uh how to get there. Again, it's not about adding more pressure, it's about it's just about letting go what's in the way. But overall, uh, my real goal, or my big goal, I should say, for for next year, is to acknowledge my own sadness and keep moving forward. That sometimes I am going to be down, sometimes I am going to be sad, sometimes it is going to feel like there is a dark cloud over my head, and to be okay with that and keep moving forward, to keep trusting. Even when I can't see the path clearly before me, or if I can't see light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to keep trusting. Because I am laying myself bare to you guys right now, I cannot see the way out of my situation right now. And that's being very real with you. I am in a situation where I could lose my income at any moment, I could be evicted at any moment, I could have the lights shut off at any moment. Things are very, very challenging. In my 42 years of life, I have never experienced a more challenging time in my life than right now. It's been very hard. And I can't even tell you some of the details. But maybe someday in the future I'll I will I will when I'm able to. But there are a lot of things going on in my life. So I could use your love, I could use your support. If you're out there listening and you want to um give something back to me, just uh give me, leave me something uh encouraging, please. You know, let me know what you're thinking about me. Um, because I could really use it. I have a lot that I need to do to get out of this situation. It's a big it's a pretty big hole. And I have to dig my way out of it somehow. And um, I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I trust that I will. I trust the universe working through me. I trust Christ working through me. I trust um my you know in my soul, my Atman. I trust in this present moment. And I just want to end with uh a little excerpt from uh Rielke. I've quoted him before in his letters to a young poet. He says, I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart, and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign language. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. I am grateful for everyone who has listened to this podcast this year, and I wish you the absolute best new year. Thank you. Much love and blessings to all.